High-level Bambi

They all seem the same. Maybe it was the Venus quotient.

What he needed was a strong personality entranced with this particular vulnerability. He found that so very hard to resist.

It wasn't that he was afraid of being alone. He was by nature a loner- its enigma appealed to him. He thrived in his space. Besides couplings were so distressing with respect to their viral nature of exaggerated soap-operaism.

It was just the fact that he felt he had something to offer to the world outside of him. Of course it was probably a selfish reason. He obviously expected benefits in return. Benefits of the quaint understanding sort. A pillar to hold him up in times of need. But he was wrong. He wasn't the sort that should share griefs too easily. They drew others in and blew them off.
Like a repellant. He wouldn't gain anything that way.

Acts of kindness are the true examples of selfishness. Our world is far from altruistic. People are nice to bring themselves happiness. That is the primary stimulant. Evolutionary psychology, one calls it, is what it is a part of.

He loved the warm fuzzy feeling that accompanied his emotivity in those times. It was bluntly soothing and seemingly erotic. He felt he was the most blessed person in the world.

Elation was an under-statement. Please don't misconstrue this- he had always felt like a patriarch his entire life. It was the rare occassions like this that he deemed himself fit to come down to irrational levels.

Perfection did not exist. It never will.

But he needed to try to come as close as possible. There was no particular person in mind that he wanted to share this moment with. He wasn't concerned with such trivialities. As much it hurt him when he didn't get what he wanted, his resolve was of a peculiar variation. It was an extremity equation. The variables involved could let him display either stark indifference or a suicidal attention to detail.

There are those who start off by loving everybody and slowly eliminating those that didn't seem to matter and there are those that live and let live. He was a little bit of both. He loved at times and he couldn't care less at others. More often than not the latter happened when he felt cheated of his effort. He expected equality at all times.

He embraced imposition with liberal choices. He was intrigued by parodies of lust. He sought to console those that needed it. He believed in bliss.

Sometimes it seems embracing, intrigue, seeking and believing aren't enough. Maybe he was too distracted to see the real picture. Or maybe they were.